The 2011 Gigantes have to be the most exciting inept offense in the history of Baseball.
Aubrey Huff ended a 42 day (34 games) homerless drought when he deposited Heath Bell’s curveball/sluvre/thingy just inside the fair (or is it foul?) pole to tie the game in the top of the 9th.
Naturally los Gigantes bullpen shut down the Fathers in the 9th, 10th and 11th innings.
The offense then exploded for 5 runs in the 12th inning.
(Just as we all thought they would.)
The Fathers rallied to bring the tying run to the plate (does this always have to happen?) but were denied by the closer who resembles the pirate known as Blackbeard.
RT: “I hate when we play the Padres, the games always give me a stomach ache.”
Truer words have never been typed into a BBM chat.
A League Leader Headed to Fresno?
Andy Baggs reported that Hector Sanchez has been called up from Fresno to replace Pat Burrell (DL, bone spurs) on the active roster.
For those who do not follow los Gigantes farm system (shame on you), Sanchez is a 21 year old Catcher.Sanchez has hit well this season (.802 combined OPS SJ & Fresno) and The Spiritual Southpaw has vouched for his abilities behind the dish.
(I believe Sanchez was called up because los Gigantes must always have one (Sanchez) on the active roster.)
Los Gigantes will not carry three catchers for an extended amount of time.Someone is on the way out.
If Sanchez sticks my gut tells me that Chris Stewart will be the odd man out.
Chris Stewart has done one thing extremely well since he was brought up to replace Buster Posey.
Chris Stewart is the most frequent user of the “Fist Pump” in the Big Leagues.
Here are the occasions when Stewart fist pumps:
1. A well placed strike.
2. After every strikeout (catching).
3. For every runner caught stealing.
4. For any assist or putout.
5. When he reaches base.
6. When he advances to the next base.
7. When he scores a run.
8. After the last out of an inning.
9. After a victory has been locked down.
There is no doubt that Chris Stewart leads the league in fist pumps.
Someone will have to pick up the slack when he is gone.
My goal is to get out a feature on the epic trip to Chicago on Saturday.Look for that and Parts 2 and 3 of the All-Time Racial Teams in the next week or two.
Last nights game ended eerily similar to Monday.In the 9th inning of both games the score was 5-3. Los Gigantes had runners on 2nd and 3rd with one out while facing the Pear-Shaped Closer.The Pear-Shaped Closer retired Torres for the 2nd out in the 9th in both games and both games ended harmlessly (Rowand with 6-3 groundout on Monday and Crawford with a lazy fly ball to right field on Tuesday).
Déjà vu is a glitch in the Matrix.The Matrix is real.It all makes sense now.
I knew Los Gigantes winning the World Series was too good to be true.
Agent Smith should pay me a visit any day now.
RT (Ryan Taylor, not a ReTweet) complained about he lineup the past couple days.He didn’t like Rowand in the 5 hole on Tuesday and mentioned he would rather have Rowand in the 5 hole today when Tejada was announced as the fifth hitter in los Gigantes lineup for tonight’s game.
SLY: “It does not matter where any player hits, well except Pablo.Pablo is and needs to stay entrenched in the 3 hole. Bochy might as well just draw the rest of the names out of hat and call it good.”
I took the liberty of creating a lineup out of a hat.
For your amusment:
1. Schierholtz, 2B
2. Burrell, LF
3. Sandoval, 3B
4. White Bush, C
5. Ross, RF
6. Tejada, SS
7. Rowand, CF
8. Huff, 1B
9. (I thought about adding Bumgarner to the hat)
I decided on Schierholtz for second base since four outfielders were selected and one needed to play an infield position.Schierholtz started his professional career as a third baseman.He can’t be any worse than Bill Hall at second.
(I did include Bill Hall in the hat.Hall’s omission from the lineup was fate.)
White Bush hitting clean-up?Don’t laugh (but cry) as it has happened on more than one occasion the past two seasons.
C’mon Boch, you need to do this.It’ll make for a great scene on Showtime’s “The Franchise”.
Imagine Boch drinking a few cold ones with Ronny Wotus and The Singin’ Third Base Coach and yellin’ the names of the lineup out in the Manager’s Office.
Boch: “Hittin, Um, Well, Ya know, Um leadoff, is Um, Well, Ya know, Um, Nate Schierholtz.Um, Well, Ya know, Um Nate will be, Um Well, Ya know, Um be a playing, Um, Well, second base.”
This needs to, well, um, ya know, freakin’ happen.
A Big Happy Belated Birthday to the greatest country in the world.We celebrated our 235th year since we told King George to stick his wig where the sun doesn’t shine by eating, drinking, and setting off homemade fireworks to excess.
Seriously, my neighbors were setting off legitimate fireworks (Oakland A’s firework show quality) until 3:00am.
They sounded like bombs bursting in air…
(Technically they were)
I am ecstatic my house did not burn down.
Chicago Shit Show
Imagine drinking 10-16 hours a day for four consecutive days.This was my life in Chicago.The brain is still foggy and my clothes are fitting a little tighter.
A full length Feature will be written this week.It will be long and mildly entertaining.
Here is a preview:
Man from Utah: “Are those your friends?”
(MFU Pointed at three obnoxious drunken fellows seated to my right.)
SLY: “My friends would never spill THAT much beer.”
(All there of the drunken fellows had about $5 worth of Old Style near their feet.)
One downside of a vacation is the amount of work that awaits your return to the real world.
Please be patient with the Daily Bs the next few weeks as I try to catch up on my real world responsibilities.
Bochy Makes Me Feel Good!
Remember the scene in Monster’s Ball where Halle Berry is getting it good from Billy Bob Thornton?
Of course you do.It’s one of the two reasons every Man (and Woman) HATES Billy Bob.
1. Simulated Sex with Halle Berry.
2. Real (freaky) Sex with Angelina Jolie (When she was still hot).
Anyways, in the scene Halle Berry’s character repeatedly screams at Billy Bob’s character to “MAKE ME FEEL GOOD, MAKE ME FEEL GOOOOOD!!!!”
This week I was screaming for Bruce Bochy to “MAKE ME FEEL GOOD, MAKE ME FEEL GOOOOOD!!!”
…I did not want Boch to do to me what Billy Bob did to Halle.All I wanted was for Boch to name Ryan VogelsTRong to the National League All-Star team.
Thank you Boch, you MADE ME FEEL GOOOOOOD!
Vogelsong is easily the coolest Gigantes (baseball related) feel-good story of my lifetime.
Congratulations to Lincecum, Cain, Wilson, and Vogelsong on their All-Star selections.
A Panda is on Fire, Don’t Call PETA
Have you ever seen a Panda on fire?If you wish to see one, tune to CSN Bay Area at 7:00pm PST tonight.
Pandas on fire are a very rare and pleasant sight.
I am intrigued and angered with the baseball scene mistakes throughout the movie.
Here are a few of the items that have made me want to throw my remote through my beautiful television set.
In one at bat with Bobby Rayburn (Wesley Snipes as a Barry Bonds character) appears at CandlestickPark (which he should), Coors Field (Denver), and Dodger Stadium.
In another at bat, Juan Primo (Benicio del Toro) makes contact for a home run wearing a home jersey and then rounds the bases in a road jersey.
A Padres pitcher comes set (in the stretch), and then goes into his windup.
What the heck is going on?Nobody in the editing room ever played baseball above little league?
The baseball-logic-common-sense-head-scratcher scene of the movie is when Gil Renard (Robert De Niro) is pitches to Coop (Charles Hallahan).Renard repeatedly tells his son that Coop (he played catcher) is the greatest player he ever played with.Coop was made out to a Johnny Bench type figure that never made it to the Big Leagues.
Coop was a left handed catcher in the scene when Gil is on the bump.
“The Fan” drinking game may be arranged.Drink for every baseball related mistake.
It will be hard to make it through the movie.
Appearing Tonight: Joe Mauer
The sight of Joe Mauer will remind me of Buster Posey.I may boycott his at bats this series.
Big thanks to AP for tickets to the game tonight.
Beers are on me Brother.
For los Gigantes to beat Carl Pavano and Twins tonight, I suggest they end their current 0-26 stretch with RISP.
Please accept my apology for the lack of posts the past two weeks.My real world job has required the majority of my attention during my waking hours.
I owe you all a beer,
Respect for the Dead
Aaron Rowand and Miguel Tejada are dead to me as baseball players.Their contacts are inflated and their skills have eroded, and yet it is obvious (at least one) they will remain on the team for the entire season.
Rowand and Tejada remind me of a fugly girl you see at a bar who previously rejected your advances at last call.You know the fugly girl will look over at you multiple times and then giggle into her equally fugly friend’s ear while retelling the story how you stumbled over to her after last call and asked if she wanted to share a cab back to your place.
As much as I dislike watching Rowand and Tejada at this stage of their careers, they did combine for one of the best relays I have seen in quite some time.
Rowand bare handed a bad hop and managed to get off a perfect throw to Tejada who made an equally impressive throw to “White Bush” Whiteside at home for the out.
The play preserved the lead and was vital to the victory.
Deal with the Devil?
The injury bug has forced me to believe that Mr. Nuekom made a deal with the Devil last year to win the World Series.
I will believe the deal was a multi-year deal if los Gigantes continue to reel off W’s with the lineup that Bochy is forced to write in every day.
Well played Mr. Nuekom.
I now understand why Peter Magowan was unable to bring a World Series title to San Francisco.
Time to Clean the House
My house has not been cleaned since los Gigantes exercised my Bay Area Baseball team’s inferiority complex against the Athletics in May.
My Girlfriend is heavily invested in VogelsTRong’s outing tonight.
Has anyone else notice the transformation of Manny Burriss’ hands?
It is the elephant in the room.
Photo-shop legend Athan Putnam has confirmed what we all have suspected.
Manny Burriss has hands made of bricks.
I propose Mr. Burriss take the lead from the most famous HANDicapper of all time, Edward Scissorhands.Scissorhands forged a brief but legendary career as a hair dresser and bush sculptor.
I want Burriss to put his God given gift to good use, which is why I propose that Burriss start a MMA career.
Here is Joe Rogan’s MMA scouting report on Manny “Brick Hands” Burriss:
Rogan: “Manny “Brick Hands” Burriss has lighting speed and has bricks for hands.Folks, I am serious. His hands are made of friggin bricks!Burriss’ power is unmatched in the middleweight division. C’mon, He has Bricks for Hands!He will look for the one punch knock out, because he has bricks for friggin hands!”
It is a testament to Madison Bumgarner’s makeup that he is not on suicide watch.
Olympic Gold Medalist, Cody Ross
The highlight of the offense was seeing how far Cody Ross tossd his bat.He has a future in the Olympics tossing something.Maybe the International Olympic Committee can add the “Bat Toss” to the Summer Olympics.
Heck, it wouldn’t be the worst sport the Olympics offer.
Vogelsong’s New Nickname
KJ had this to say about Ryan Vogelsong today:
“I hope Ryan sticks his VogelSchlong up the Reds’ pooper tonight.”
As long as Vogelsong keeps it up, he can do whatever the hell he wants.
***Apologizes for the Tuesday/Wednesday absences of the Daily Bs.Work and an over-consumption of alcohol are to blame.***
Barry Zito Drinking Game: Minor League Edition
Who says Barry Zito doesn’t move the needle?There were close to 2000 walk-ups to the Stockton Ports vs. San Jose Gigantes game on (6/7/11) Monday night.
The walk-ups were not there to see Gary Brown patrol centerfield, but to catch a glimpse of the $126 million dollar man in his first real game action in 6 weeks.
At least two fans (SLY and The Real Dante’ Hicks) were there to participate in the BZDG.
Dante’: “I don’t know all the rules to the BZDG”
SLY: “Don’t worry.You drink when Zito sucks and you drink when Zito gets outs.It is a Win/Win or Drunk/Drunk.”
Dante’ and I were in the beer line for our 2nd brew before Zito threw his first pitch of the ballgame.
Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.
Zito’s first pitch was what was considered to be a fastball.
SLY: “Yuck, that was like 81 MPH. Where’s the (radar) gun?”
Dante’ pointed behind me.
The gun registered 79 MPH.At least we knew the gun wasn’t hot.
An older man who was drunker than us (at the time) tried to argue the gun was off and that Zito was throwing at least 90 MPH.
Dunk Old Ports Fan: “I’ve seen more baseball games than you, that reading isn’t right.”
The next fastball registered 81 MPH.
It took a lot of restraint for me not to tell the drunken man what I thought of his in-head radar gun readings, yet another sign of my maturation.
The 76 MPH reading above was unfortunately not for an off-speed pitch.
Zito cruised at 79-82 MPH.The velocity wasn’t impressive and he appeared wild in the zone, but he only allowed two hits in his 5.2 (or 6.2… my mind will not allow me to remember and I am too lazy at the moment to check a box score) innings pitched.
The details of the game became fuzzy after the first few innings.Dante’ and I kept pace with the BZDG through the entirety of his start as we funneled the $6 beers down our gullets.
It is safe to say the BZDG makes every Barry Zito start immensely more enjoyable at any professional level.
Swat the Nats
Another typical Gigantes series is in the books. Los Gignates scored nine runs in the three game series and took two of three.
I compared Jayson Werth and Aaron Rowand while they played in Philadelphia during the offseason. The similarities between each of their final seasons in Philadelphia were eerily similar.
The similarities continued into the first season of their new deals.
Aaron Rowand 2008: .271/.339/.410 with 37 2Bs, 13 HRs, and 70 RBI.
Jayson Werth 2011 (Projected): .243/.344/.410 with 34 3Bs, 21 HRs, and 60 RBI.
Enjoy it Nats fans, enjoy it.
Hey Miggy, You’re so fine.
Players are allowed to choose their intro music and many take it very seriously.Barry Zito likes to choose a different song before every start while Timmy sticks to “Electric Feel” by MGMT.
That brings us to Miguel Tejada’s unique selection of Toni Basil’s “Mickey” for his pre-at bat intro music.
One can assume that Tejada fully believes that Basil is singing “Miggy” instead of “Mickey”.
It is comforting that Tejada’s ears have eroded as quickly as his once great baseball skills.
The $3 Tickets
A feature on the true price of $3 tickets will be published tomorrow.The feature should be a lesson taught in a college business class on how to exploit drunk and hungry men.
Vogelsong has officially added the T and R after the S in his last name.The dude has been absolutely unreal.If he keeps this up through June, he will be a National League All-Star.
KJ and I talked about the All-Star possibility before the game Sunday.It was a hot topic on the postgame show and Twitter after the 8 inning, 1 run performance.
I want #VogelStrong to be trending on Twitter in the Bay Area on his next start.
No Offense, No Problem.
How odd is it that six runs in a three game series results in two wins?
It is not odd for Los Gigantes, it feels natural.
Minor League Edition of The Barry Zito Drinking Game
Barry Zito will take the hill in about three hours for the San Jose Gigantes against the Stockton Ports in Stockton, CA.I will be in attendance and look forward to participating in the BZDG for the first time since April.
Swat the Nats
I expect to clean my house after the Wednesday afternoon game.
KJ purchased four upper deck tickets for $2.99 each.
Rarely am I shocked by words.I am either jaded or attribute what I hear to copious amounts of alcohol consumption.
Brian Sabean’s interview with The Razor and Mr. T on KNBR shocked me.
Sabean sounded (he was) like an irrational fan filled with vile hate for Scott Cousins.
He should’ve sung KJ’s Cee-Lo Green like spoof on the air.
“Scott Cousins, Fuck You”
I see you comin’ down the line at the boy we love, and I’m like Fuck Yoooouuuuu (Scott Cousins).
I guess the lane to the outside wasn’t enough.
I’m like Fuck you (Scott Cousins) and what you did.
If I was a Pitcher, I’d throw at you quicker, right at your chin.
Although there’s pain in his leg, I don’t wish the best, so Fuck Yoooouuuu (Scott Cousins).
Come on Sabes, being irrational and wishing harm against Scott Cousins is our job. The irony is that Sabean rarely says what is on his mind in his KNBR interviews.It is normal for him to answer questions with a one or two word response.His favorite go to lines are:
1. “We kicked the tires on….”
2. “We’re doing (or did) our due diligence before we make (or made) a decision.”
It is also worth noting how classy los Gigantes organization has been about the Posey injury publicly, which can be attributed to Bill Nuekom’s “Gigantes Way”.
Sabean will be called into Principal Nuekom’s office.
Sabean’s words also killed a legitimate chance to take care of the situation on the field.MLB will now look much closer upon the August series between the Fish and Gigantes.I wouldn’t be surprised if warnings were given before the first pitch of the series.
Tim Lincecum plunkin’ Cousins in the ribs is not worth a suspension.
(Unless los Gigantes have a nine game lead.)
Tony LaRussa, Genius.
I truly believe Tony LaRussa is one of the best in game mangers in baseball.His personal skills are a little rough, but his baseball mind is of Einstein proportions.
Maybe LaRussa did see something in Huff’s swing when he completely avoided him in the 9th inning of Wednesday’s game.
I will never second guess your in-game baseball decisions again, no matter the outcome.Will you please do me one favor?Please explain your rationale in when you decide to hit the pitcher 8th? I do not understand.Would you hit Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez 8th?His OPS is 130 points higher than Skip Schumaker.
Shaun Lauren Yaple
Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez Drinking Game Casualties
Work prevented my participation the SJSDG.A few friends were not shackled by the restraints of the workplace and were able to fully participate.
This postgame picture of the SJSDG beer bottle casualties emphasize how dangerous and fun the game can be.
The Ultimate I know you’re gay because…
I often go to humor when I am uncomfortable.It works for me and I have used it in all different types of situations.
Breast Cancer has been an uncomfortable issue recently in my life. Two of my Girlfriend’s close family members are currently fighting the disease.
I loved that SouthPark portrayed the Devil and Saddam Hussein as gay lovers.The Devil has to be gay. Breast Cancer is the key to the gay Devil equation.
Here is my ultimate, I know you’re (The Devil) gay because…
Breast Cancer is from the Devil, which proves that he is gay and is jealous that Jesus loves the boobies.
The Cardinals really should have attacked Aubrey Huff with 2 outs in the top of the ninth.Aubrey already got his hit; he was good for the game.The four pitch walk led to a clutch stolen base from “Brick Hands” Burriss.
Then Nate did his thing.
Nate did his thing once again in the 11th inning.
How often does a player have a game tying hit in the 9th inning and then have the game winning hit in extra innings?Not too often.Brain McCann had one earlier in the year.McCann was a little more dramatic, both of his game tying and game winning hits were four-sackers.
I’ll go out on a limb and state that Nate will get the bulk of the time in right field for at least the next week or so…
When the Lights go out in St. Louis!
Tony LaRussa does not play fair.I would really enjoy his antics and gamesmanship if he was the manager of the team I follow.
Yes, as many people mentioned, the scene reminded many of the Buffalo Wild Wings commercials.
Brian Wilson is obviously not a fan of fried chicken wings in delicious sauces.He did not allow the “Lights” incident to become a commercial for the wing chain.
The Slingin’ Johnny Sanchez Drinking Game
Please Participate Responsibly.
I apologize for not having a Daily Bs post yesterday. Real life responsibilities out weighed my allotted Daily Bs time.